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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28618425">The Bianca Nureyev Detective Agency</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/quantumoddity/pseuds/quantumoddity'>quantumoddity</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Jupeter Dads AU [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Penumbra Podcast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cute Kids, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Other, Trans Peter Nureyev, Trans Pregnancy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:54:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,932</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28618425</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/quantumoddity/pseuds/quantumoddity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Juno has to keep his little daughter entertained on a slow day out in space. </p><p>This was an anniversary present for my wonderful girlfriend @alittlebitoftheuniverse so why not check out some of her fics!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Jupeter Dads AU [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1824808</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>82</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Bianca Nureyev Detective Agency</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Being a space pirate did sound good on paper. It sounded like a life full of narrowly dodged laser bullets, sprawling on beds of golden creds, witty one liners delivered to fallen foes in the smoking ruins of their empires that you’d just toppled and large, audacious hats. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it was like that, about twenty percent of the time. But what they didn’t tell you was that the other eighty percent was a hell of a lot of waiting. It was a lot of snail crawling through deep space, killing days upon days worth of time in cramped metal hallways, eating stasis food and absorbing simulated sunlight. Planning your next big twenty percent could only take up so much time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it only got harder when you also had a three year old space pirate to entertain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mamaaaaaaa,” Bee Bee poked her head up over the edge of the sofa, looking like some burrowing animal resurfacing, “I’m bored.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Juno lowered the case file he’d been reviewing, eyeing his daughter with the tired amusement only a parent could muster, “Oh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bee Bee scrambled up onto the family room’s busted old soda, sinking down beside her mama. She peered at him for a moment, taking note of the way he was sat, one ankle folded over the other and tried to copy him as best she could with her chubby little legs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Space is boring,” she declared, “There’s nothing to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Juno set the files aside, silently accepting that he wouldn’t be getting back to them anytime soon, “Nothing? Nothing at all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope,” his daughter gave a forlorn sigh, “Nothing at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well then,” Juno shrugged, sinking down into the sofa so they were level even if it would be murder on his back later, “We’ll just have to think of something to do, won’t we, kiddo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bee Bee giggled, “Yes. What was mama doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Juno looked to the files he’d piled on the arm of the sofa, “Nothing interesting. Just looking into cases where other people have tried to do the same job we’re going to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what happened to them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Juno winced. It wasn’t as if their daughter was unaware of the dangers they faced in their line of work. Pirates weren’t exactly famous for operating within the confines of the law, even in her storystreams. And since she’d been born, she’d seen her daddy at work, often getting a birds eye view of it all from a wrap slung across his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well. Jail mostly,” he admitted, knowing he didn’t have to hide the truth from her even if it didn’t feel good to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh,” Bee Bee hardly blinked, swinging her legs, “Well, Auntie Buddy’s way way smarter than all of them. And Auntie Vespa is faster and Auntie Rita is better and Uncle Jet is cooler and my daddy is the best at stealing ever ever in the whole galaxy. And my mama’s the best detective. So we’ll do just fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Juno grinned, reaching over and stroking back her curls, “Yeah. We’ll do just fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So can I help Mama? With being a detective?” her eyes sparked excitedly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew that look, once her mind was fixed on something she’d follow it to the far side of the universe. She was like her daddy in that. But she wouldn’t exactly find much interest in going through old case files that somehow managed to make jewel heists sound boring. Though the tactics these failed thieves had used didn’t have an awful lot of pizzaz to them. Probably why they’d flopped, or at least that’s what Buddy would say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what?” Juno snapped his fingers like he’d just had a fantastic idea, “You’re just the kid I need for this very important case!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am!” Bianca beamed, not a question. She had perfect confidence in her own abilities. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a classic head scratcher, kiddo,” Juno announced grandly, mostly to stall for time while he decided just what this case was going to be, “I’ve been at it for years and I’ve never been able to crack it but with your pluckiness and my brains we might just solve the case of...uh...the case of daddy’s missing glasses!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bee Bee gasped appreciatively, “Daddy’s always losing his glasses!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is,” Juno snorted, “And we’ve got to go help him, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right!” she jumped onto her feet, bouncing up onto the couch cushions and promptly tumbling, Juno just about managing to catch her. It didn’t seem to diminish her enthusiasm, as her legs windmilled wildly, “Let’s go!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Juno grinned, “Well, first thing is to examine the scene of the crime and…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, mama!” Bee Bee frowned, looking at him like he was profoundly stupid, “First thing is to dress up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. My mistake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Apparently no detective work could be done until Bianca was wearing her mama’s old coat, the one he’d hung onto for sentimental reasons even after he’’d been unable to really call himself a detective. And long after the leather had worn on the elbows and there were none of the original buttons left on it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It needed to be rolled up quite a few times to even get the tips of her fingers poking out of the sleeves and the bottom of it looked like a mad kind of wedding train but Bee Bee grinned in delight and it was pretty good to see the old thing getting some use again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Now </span>
  </em>
  <span>we go to the scene of the crime,” she declared, waving her arms, “Daddy and mama’s room!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on then, co-detective,” Juno laughed, “Lead the way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Nureyev was surprised to see them burst through the door, it didn’t show on his face. He didn’t scare easily. He only smiled and tilted his head, quickly shoving the book on pregnancy he’d been reading far under Juno’s pillow. They weren’t quite ready to broach that subject with Bianca yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, my loves,” he hummed, “What adventures are we on today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re playing detective!” Bee Bee toddled up, clambering on the bed to give him a quick hug before anything else, “Going to find your glasses.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh could you!” Nureyev smiles pleasantly, “It does seem I’ve misplaced them again, reading is something of a chore without them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Juno arched an eyebrow at his husband, “You wouldn’t possibly be deliberately reading that book without your glasses so you could claim you have while not retaining any information or looking at any of the diagrams?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“An outlandish notion,” Nureyev flicked his fingers at him airily, turning his attention to Bianca who was now crawling around the bed, bent over so she could scrutinise every inch of the sheets like a bloodhound with a scent, “Please, dear little detective, will you take my case?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We on the case, daddy!” Bee Bee assured him, hurrying over to give him a hug, now just because she wanted to, “We’ll find the glasses.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You gotta question the witness,” Juno advised, “Build a timeline.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bee Bee nodded, looking up at Nureyev with a sudden fierce seriousness, “What is your timeline, daddy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t help but smile down at her as he pretended to think, “Let’s see...well, I went to the kitchen for breakfast...then I had to collect some floorplans from Buddy’s office, I read them over in the family room with my wife...then I had an appointment with the physician. Then I came here to have a nap and do my assigned reading.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Juno rolled his eyes at that last one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll track 'em down!” Bee Bee declared, barrelling off the bed onto the ground. Again, her mama only just managed to catch her, “Come on, Detective Mama! Before the trail goes cold!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Juno chuckled, pausing briefly to lean down and kiss Nureyev, before he followed his daughter, not needing to hurry too much, one of his strides matching about five of hers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their trail through the ship took them most of the rest of the afternoon, clattering through the winding corridors, the two of them making up wild twists and turns whenever suited them, inventing new characters, dastardly schemes that had happened off screen, speculating wildly on new threats. Buddy of course joined in enthusiastically, she was a regular and beloved playmate of Bianca’s. Just searching her room turned into a frantic search to disarm a bomb left by this mysterious glasses thief, a bomb that turned out to be in Buddy’s chest which could only be fixed by a hug from a plucky little detective. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vespa was less willing, they caught her in the middle of disinfecting all of her scalpels. But even she wasn’t immune to Bee Bee’s charms, eventually playing her role with grudging grace. And Juno was able to get a quick whispered update on Nureyev’s check up, feeling a little better that it wasn’t just him and his husband who knew, that he had someone to offload all his anxiety on, the same anxiety he was trying to shield said husband from. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even better, they ran into Rita in the kitchen and the game then swerved happily into the wildest corners of two vast imaginations, going off on a tangent that somehow involved werewolves, a falling moon and a galaxy wide ring of prolific glasses thieves (it turned out Rita had lost her pair too, though they did turn out to be perched on top of her head). </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was when Bee Bee was rolling happily around on the floor that she suddenly froze and squealed in triumph. She bounded up to the side table next to the old, sagging sofa, less than an inch from where Juno had been sitting earlier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here! Here’s the glasses!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sure enough, there was a pair of cat eye spectacles on a silver chain resting there. Even Juno couldn’t raise much of a grump when he realised they’d been inches from their goal at the very start of the job. Some cases just worked out that way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll have to take them back to your daddy, huh?” he panted, collapsing next to his daughter on the sofa. Somewhere along the way he’d picked up glitter on his black turtleneck, a rubber glove from the infirmary stretched over his head like a mad hat and one of Buddy’s scarves wound around his neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes! And then get paid,” Bee Bee nodded, making Juno slightly nervous about what sort of payment she was going to demand. She’d asked to be paid in ice cream last time they’d played this game.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She plopped down next to her mama, leaning against his arm, adding more glitter to his favourite jumper, “Mama? I don’t think daddy is very happy right now. I think something’s up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Juno froze, “Uh...what makes you say that, kiddo?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…” Bee Bee wrinkled her nose, “He just seems...floppy. Always flopping on you and he looks pale and he doesn’t sleep good, mama. I think he’s sick.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Juno tried to keep his face carefully neutral, “Your daddy’s fine, honey, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm,” she replied, in that way she had that let him know she didn’t believe him in the slightest, “But it’s okay. Because we found his glasses and that’s gonna make him happy. And then we’ll help him more and we’ll do detective and find his happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Juno relaxed, wrapping his arm around her, “Oh yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bee Bee beamed and nodded, “Cos I’m the best detective ever! And mama helps!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Juno sat back, laughing mostly to himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what, kiddo? I thought I was pretty good but I think you really might be the best ever.” </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please leave a comment if you like this!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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